So to continue my ramblings from yesterday evening…….
Reading the posts of others got me to thinking about my own. I hardly ever mention the “serious” things going on in my life. What I am really thinking of or experiencing. This isn’t really suprising to me as I am already quite aware and have heard “complaints” from enough people that I am not a very open individual. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I have cried in front of another as an adult and five is a stretch. I have been called stoic, strong, hard, a bitch you name it. Very few people realize that the explanation closest to the truth is I am just not that comfortable expressing what I really think and feel to most of them. I don’t think I was always this way, I wasn’t a shy child by any means. I have no problems being affectionate to those I love and trust. Big word trust. I have learned not to trust others with anything that will make me vulnerable.
Do the people writing these blogs truly care so little what other people may think of them? Are they so secure that it does not matter what ridicule they may find themselves subjected to? Or do they just trust enough that most people are basically kind and will welcome what they have to say with open hearts and minds? Am I a bit of a coward? 🙂 I think I am. If you always stay under the radar so to speak than no one will ever come gunning for you. I don’t think I like the fact that I feel that way and behave accordingly. That’s a big change to make in one’s self and so simple at the same time.
These people who I will never meet and never know more about than for the few brief moments they pass into the realm of confidant from that of a stranger, have planted a seed in me to try and be more open and forthcoming not just here in my little corner on the web but in my life. I wonder if it will grow.
Over the past few weeks I have begun noticing more and more as I am reading others blogs and posts that many of them are very deep and introspective communications. Traveling across continents on foot, battles with cancer, tributes to loved ones passed away. Some are inspiring, others heartbreaking, all thought provoking. Mine are generally such fluff, nonsense, rants of the day. It has to make one stop and think, am I really that shallow? Does my life have that little meaning in the big scheme of things? I’m certainly not going on a trek across a continent to just interact with people met along the way.
I’ve really been thinking about this. I envy these people who are are so easily able to articulate their thoughts, feelings and perceptions. Sure maybe some of them are only able to do so while blanketed by the anonymity of the Internet but when all is said and done they are still putting themselves out there and exposed for all the world to see. When you are reading a book or an article written by a professional you expect the individual to have a better than average ability to convey their meaning through the written word, yet here I am finding these tiny little pieces of thought provoking material scattered out on the net. The posts I have been reading at times have bordered on the poetic. One particular blog amazes me as the young man who writes it, and I do mean young as in very early twenties, seems to see right to the core of others and is able to sit down and share it with the reader so well it is almost as if the experience becomes your own. He seems to be on a direct path to obtaining this vast amount of wisdom that most will never even garner over a lifetime. It fascinates me.
At the moment it looks like I am going to have to continue this train of thought a little later because I started dinner not thinking I would have all that much to say (minute tops) and I seem to be on a bit of a roll…. to be continued :^)