So distracted, things that should take 5 minutes are taking an hour. That’s what letters never meant to be sent are for. My heart already knew but I was hoping. Hoping what exactly I don’t know. You care about someone you should wish them happiness and I do but….. just wish you had picked me for a little while. That’s insane right? When I woke up Sunday it was the first thing I saw, and I just flipped. That hollow nauseous feeling. Couldn’t deal so I clicked that unfriend button. Self-preservation at its finest.
I know it’s not rational, I know I don’t not want to be friends with you. But I know I also just severed the last tie. Snip. You’ll probably never know how much it took to do that, you’ll probably think I’m being a bitch or an asshole of some sort. Asshole? Maybe. I am sorry, but I just don’t want to see it, can’t. It will drive me batshit. Can’t change the way I’m wired. It’s driving me nuts anyway as this letter can attest to. Truth is it could be worse.
Guess I knew this would come eventually. I’m not exactly stupid and I’ve always handled things with reason before. Guess it’s to close to the last trap. Every time I work it out in my head that nope it’s not going to happen and was good letting it go, there you were. And that hope would spark. I’d considering doing the smart thing for about 5 seconds and then away I’d go. Piper is getting paid.
That’s the part that pisses me off because I shouldn’t have to pay and the price I gambled was too high.